That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
