wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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