he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
