I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
