Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
