i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
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I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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