someone threw a dead crab at me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
