You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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