Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
