Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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