I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
