Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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