shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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