she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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