I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
this boner is exhausting
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
