I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize