farters have to be the big spoon...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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