My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize