I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
