Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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