So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
