you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
