is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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