I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
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I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
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tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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