M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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