I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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