I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
