There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
