I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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