My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
