Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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