how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
