You smell like a Billy Joel song
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
