I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
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She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
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In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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