They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
