you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
