oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
