apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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