I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
