he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have aggressive nipples.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
