we're blogging at a bar
I cockslap morals
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
