I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Two words: blizzard sex
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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