Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
