then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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