What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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