last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
