everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
