Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
