I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels