and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
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Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
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I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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