We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
