It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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