We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
babies were throwing up all over the place
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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