Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
