You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
The best revenge is premature balding
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
