So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
