why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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